


Vision Burns

by Laylah



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:10:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laylah/pseuds/Laylah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The blankets shift as she rolls over, and the moonlight bathes her face. She's beautiful. He always knew she would be, when they were little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vision Burns

It's cold out here. Not as bad as Keterburg, of course. Checking up on them there wasn't any fun.

Them. Hah.

Asch shifts his weight, perched on his heels, watching in the window. There's enough moonlight -- no clouds in the sky in Sheridan -- that he has trouble seeing into the dark of the room. There isn't much to watch in any case. From this far off he can't really see the way the blankets rise and fall with breath, but he knows it's happening. He can just barely see her hair spread out across the pillow.

Of all the things he lost --

He hasn't been able to stop thinking about her since they traveled together. When he's really selfish he thinks about taking her away, about running from all this stupid shit and having _her_ all to himself. But if she'd agree to go then she'd be turning her back on all the things that make him -- all the things that make her admirable. There's work to be done, for their country -- is it countries, now? Should he claim Daath as his own instead? -- to have a decent chance at all, and she loves her country more than -- anything.

So Natalia stays her course, on this journey with the stupid useless replica, and Asch watches her.

The blankets shift as she rolls over, and the moonlight bathes her face. She's beautiful. He always knew she would be, when they were little. She was the princess, so of course she would grow up beautiful and noble and kind. And he would grow up --

If he keeps thinking about _that_, he'll make himself sick. He's not here to make himself angry. She's a reason for him to keep going, even if he can't have her anymore. At least she'll have a future, if they can see this through. That's enough.

He shouldn't stay here all night, though. He needs to keep moving if he's going to keep up with Van. Not like he can trust the replica to manage that. So in a second he'll be going. Just as soon as --

Natalia opens her eyes. Asch should leave, _now_, but he doesn't; he hesitates a little too long and she sits up and he's trapped. "Asch?" she says. The blankets fall as she moves and he ought to look away because she's barely dressed, just a little thin shift draped from her shoulders, but the shadow under her collar bone stops him cold and that's before she's even pushed back the covers to get out of bed.

"I'm sorry to wake you," Asch says. His face feels hot. He can't look away. Her feet are bare.

"It's all right," Natalia says. "Will you --" She stretches out a hand. "Please, will you come in?"

He manages to look away then, at least. "I can't do that," he says. She should know that as well as he does. "You're a _princess_. I --"

"I'm perfectly safe with you," she says.

You can't know that, he wants to say. You don't know what I've become. But when he looks up she's at the window, reaching out, waiting for him. She looks hopeful. "Natalia," he says.

"Just for a little while," she says. "Please." Her hand is shaking, held out to him.

"You must be freezing," Asch says. He means it to sound more accusatory than it does. She should know better than to go around half dressed like that.

She doesn't argue, though, doesn't do anything but wait, until he can't help but take her hand. Her fingers look so delicate against his glove.

He steps forward as she steps back, and then he's boosting himself through her window, careful not to catch the hem of his tabard under his boot. He hasn't been this close to her since -- since he was too young for it to matter. Natalia steps closer, leaning into him, looking up, and when her lips part the sound she makes begins, _L--_ and Asch flinches.

"I'm sorry," Natalia says immediately, clutching at his belt when he would step back. "I know you don't want to use that name anymore. But you're still --"

"I'm not," Asch says, before she can get any further. There isn't any going back, and she needs to realize that.

But she's as stubborn as she ever was. "You made that promise to me," she says. "That hasn't changed. And the way I feel about you hasn't changed, either. Asch, I --"

If she says the word he doesn't think he can stand it, so Asch kisses her before she can. His heart is pounding already and his face feels hot when he leans down and it's _stupid_ for this to affect his nerves more than a battle, but it does. Natalia's arms wrap around his waist and she pushes up into him and he wishes he could just --

He pulls back, and the look on her face kills the words in his throat, makes him unable to just leave. "If you just -- if we don't talk about any of that," he says, and his voice is as hoarse as if he's been screaming. "Then I'll stay for a little while." It's less than she deserves and more than he can take, together.

"All right," Natalia says. She won't let go of him, even though her arms are breaking out in goosebumps and he can feel her shiver.

"Get back in bed," Asch suggests, and then blushes hot again when her eyes widen. "I mean -- I wouldn't -- it's not like that." He ducks his head. "You look cold, that's all."

Natalia nods. "Come with me," she says, taking a step back.

Asch doesn't think he could turn that down, not really, no matter how much he tells himself to stay strong. "Only for a little while," he says, and lets her lead him to the bed.

She gets under the covers and he stretches out beside her, on top of them. He has to lay his sword aside, which is strange; it feels like he never goes anywhere without it. But there's no danger here that he could fight his way out of, and Natalia smiles at him when he lies down beside her. She takes his hand.

"Here," Asch says, reaching up under the sleeve of his tunic to unbuckle one glove, so he can pull it free. The air's cool against his skin, and strange, more so when Natalia's fingertips brush the back of his arm before she reaches down to take his hand again. Their fingers lace together. It's been seven years.

When she shifts, braces her weight on one elbow so she can kiss him again, Asch lets her. Her mouth is soft, and she closes her eyes, the lashes dark against moonlit skin. Asch feels too hot all over, trapped in his uniform, layers of stiff fabric holding them apart, holding him together. Natalia's lips press against his and her hand holds tight to his, and if he pulled away now, stripped off tabard and tunic and leggings and all the rest of it, he thinks he would shed God-General Asch the Bloody just like that, and underneath she'd find --

Someone he can't be anymore. Asch pulls back from the kiss and tries to smile, because he'd never want to hurt her. "You should try to sleep," he says. "I don't want you to be too tired to fight tomorrow because of me."

"Will you stay?" Natalia says. "I don't want you to leave yet."

He can give her a little more time, at least. "I'll watch over you," he says. It's all he wants to be doing anyway.

"All right," Natalia says. She lies back again, still holding his hand. "Good night, Asch."

"Good night," Asch says. His voice is hoarse again. Stupid. He watches Natalia close her eyes, watches how she relaxes slowly against the pillow. After a few minutes her grip on his hand loosens, but he doesn't pull away just yet. He's doing all this for her, he reminds himself. If they succeed, that means Natalia has a future.

For her sake, he can't lose.


End file.
